we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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