Already got asked if we're dating
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
