just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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