I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize