I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
