did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
