She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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