She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i think i just lost a toe
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
