his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
