TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
