i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
