I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
