6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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