what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
