Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
