You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
