There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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