shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
