Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
