it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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