farters have to be the big spoon...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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