I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
