that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
