I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
