Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
