yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
