i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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