we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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