Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
