Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
