It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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