I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
