1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do vagina's smell?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
