Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
