New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
