i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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