My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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