I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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