Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
