Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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