In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Can Purell be used as lube?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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