Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
