A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
