before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
