once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
