Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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