All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
