i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
