called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
