dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
