Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
