Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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