You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
