I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
