There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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