I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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