wanna go halves on a baby?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
