Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
