Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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