I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
