a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
