He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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