i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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