his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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