she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize