If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We had to coat check the pizza.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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