What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
